Are single women more fussy?

13 08 2008

Single girls around the world (or the Western World at least) probably, despite their cultural, racial and economic backgrounds, probably have a few similarities in their lives. I’m pretty sure that 99% of them (us) have a ‘booty call’ or a ‘free ride’ somewhere in the background to fulfil the no-strings attached sex need, they normally have the male friend who acts as the ‘date’ to those dreaded wedding, christening, dinner party invites. Most of them probably have the token female single friend(s) – normally rapidly changing faces – who they hit the town with on the pull. I would also put a substantial amount of money on it that most of them have the in-a-long-term-relationship female friend who identifies being single as the possibly the worst thing in the world and persists in being almost patronising to the single friend.

Which leads me to today’s entry, which was prompted when I bumped into an old school friend in my local chemist, she was standing with her son waiting for a prescription. We said the custom ‘Hello, how are you’ and launched into the conversation, in which she asked me if I ‘was still single’ and then proceeded to ask me why I haven’t found a man yet.

While I am single, at the grand young age of 27, and while sometimes I do think how nice it would be to join the growing army of non-single women, that does not mean that I am giving off ‘I am desperate’ vibes. I do not have an internal body clock ticking away telling me I must find a man soon so I can reproduce, quite the opposite.

In my experience, while I have met quite a few of the much documented ‘I want a house & baby and any man will do’ women most of us are not desperate at all, far from it. In fact I think that normally the single women are far more discerning than those who have been in long term relationships for the majority of their teen to adult years. I mean, is it really possible to meet the first love of your life at fifteen and then in intervals of 5 year relationships meet another two ‘earth moving this-is-going-to-be-never-ending loves’ before your 30? I’m not sure I think so.

I, like, many others, like the ‘first meet’ stage, first meet, first kiss, first date, first month, first sex. But I find myself being hypercritical as I am getting to know someone, I find that I home in on faults that I wouldn’t be able to look over in a long -term relationship. Normally (unless they end things with me, and my weird ‘now I want you’ mood kicks in) I find that I go off them very quick. So, when my non-single-in-love friends talk to me in pitying tones about how the love of my life is just around the corner, I find that I want to shout at them “What do you know about love? You are so not fussy that you took the first one that came along, do you think I want your life?” but of course I don’t! What I do do however is, when they try and set me up with Greasy Malcom from their firm’s Post Department, make sure that I try to put across that the reason I am single is not because I am desperate its because I am fussy.

I am normally met with patronising sympathetic looks and a few oh wells, but still I do not win, as normally these same friends start talking amongst themselves – as if I have then become invisible – about how ‘some’ people are always looking for a film lone story. And of course, they all know that real love is not like that, it’s about stability, security, Mortgages and ISA’s, it’s not about fancying someone but accepting them. So, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot win. If I dare say I like being single I am ‘putting on a front’ and if I happen to say that maybe ‘it would be nice to meet someone’ then I really want a boyfriend, either way I am labelled as desperate or a complete no-hoper who can’t even attract a man.

Who said the single life is easy? Pass me the vodka someone…

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4 responses

17 08 2008
she

I find this amusing..You’re only 27. It’s just the beginning. I just turned 36. So just imagine what I went through all these years..of remaining single. yet no regrets!

5 09 2008
Singlina

This thoughtful piece really resonated with me. I’m 38 and single. My biggest “sorrow” about the single life is that its hard to meet like-minded vibrant, happy, single women who aren’t desperately pining away for Prince Charming.
There is so much more to life than romance and coupledom, but alas, very few have figured out this secret: when you are starving, any meal will do. When you are full, oh, I don’t know, maybe you’ll make room for that luscious slice of cake, but nothing else, thank you very much.

9 09 2008
cynthia

I understand how you feel. I live in th eSouth and my friends want me to settle down and do the right thing.

The right thing is living my life the way I want too!

Good, great post!

10 09 2008
Kat

Interesting as I sit researching if I am alone in my quest to actually find the ‘love of my life’ without compromising my self and my beliefs!!! Am soon to be 35 and sick of reading that my biological clock is almost stopping!!!!Worry that soon I will settle for second best rather than be alone and childless!!!!

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