Who defines a slag?

13 08 2008

 Hmm I have just read one of my favourite bloggers entries about promiscuous people and it got me thinking because the world isn’t as clear cut as either sleeping around or having long term relationships. I think there are people in the middle, it’s not always just about casual sex for people. Look at me, look at how I fall in and out of infatuation and get burned a lot. Yeah I sleep with these people, at the time I want to know everything about them, want to continually be close to them – does that make me a slag? I don’t think so, I think it makes me a fucking crazy girl sometimes who is probably looking for affection in completely the wrong place but I don’t believe (or maybe I don’t want to believe?) that I am a slag.

Let’s define my version of being a slag it might make things clearer:

A slag is someone who has no morals, who treats sex and intimacy as a game, who doesn’t care if they never see the person they are sleeping with again. (Taken from the Lou Lou Life Dictionary!)

Do I think I am the above? No!

Have I slept with a lot of people? Yes! I have I am not far off the 30 number (like any good lady I am also not revealing on what side of that 30 number they fall!) that’s not something that I ever tell anybody, my friends don’t ask for numbers and I would never tell, and if a boyfriend asks I would lie my little socks off to make him not know that.

Am I ashamed of sleeping with that many people? Yes and no. I guess I am because I don’t want anyone to know, but if I could go back and get my chance again would I change anything? probably not. You see, each person I have slept with has meant something to me at the time. Each man that has been near me reflected how I felt at that time, filled a need that I know couldn’t have been filled any other way.

We all crave intimacy. I would probably give anything in this world to have someone there for me who adores me and who I adore. Someone who I could go home to at night, share my day with and crawl into bed with and hold onto too! But that, as simple as it sounds, is not something I have ever really had. If I like someone that much to want to share everything, they wouldn’t want me, and if someone likes me that much, I wouldn’t want them. Until something magical happens and I am proved wrong (please god make this happen) I am a firm believer in the fact that in every relationship one person loves more than the other. I don’t want to be the one who is just ‘loved’ any more than I want to be the one who is giving all the loving (though the second is my preference as I love the feeling of thinking about someone all the time). That’s why the men who would provide me with security are the ones I don’t want. I want to love completely and be loved completely in return – I want it all, not just second best, hell I do not deserve to have travelled this far to end up with second best.

So here is the weird thing, the blokes that I know I could have had relationships with are probably the only regrets I have because they didn’t provide me with the highs, I didn’t want to touch them at every minute of the day, I didn’t sit at home and dream about being with them. About the future we would share, they were security, they made me feel like I wasn’t the worst person in the world and I could pull a decent long termer if I wanted, that’s not what life and loving is all about surely? If bringing down my numbers of people I have slept with, means that I never got to experience the ‘highs’ of being with those people who I craved, who filled up every single one of my senses and left me reeling, then I wouldn’t do it. I would not swap those moments just so I could say quite honestly ‘I have only slept with 3 people’. Nope, that wouldn’t be for me.

I have a friend who used to live opposite me, she is 29 and has had three long-term relationships, three sexual partners and has spent her life being in relationships – does she know more about the world than me? Definitely not. Does she know more about compromising than me? Yes she does…but here is the ten thousand-pound question, does she know more about love than me? No, she doesn’t. Simply because she never looked for those guys that make you weak at the knees, she chose the safes one, the ones who would stay long term and give her security. Is she happy? No, she is not. She has finally got what she always wanted (a husband) and all she wants now is to turn the clock back and have fun like us, not necessarily sleeping with 20 odd people – but just a chance to find out who she is without the long term boyfriends. Who she is, inside of herself.

Everyone in this world is different, everyone thinks differently and everyone follows different paths – that sounds so corny, but it is so true. Every single person in this world is walking a different road, and not necessarily trying to get to the same place as the next person.

Me? My road is full of shaky bridges and knocked down fences and probably a few fire eating dragons and dead bunny rabbits behind me, but what I am doing is living!

So, if life is about being safe and secure and keeping your legs crossed, your heart in check and your tax bill in your mind – then you can keep that life, I am happy being me! (Funny I never realised that before now!)

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2 responses

13 08 2008
manupmen

Women often get in a relationship deeply to justify the sex. If we quit calling them sluts, they would not feel obligated to “get to know” someone they want to sleep with.

25 10 2013
streaming

Slag is a trendy word now, kinda like slut, not really say to hurt.

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