Moments that Make Memories

12 09 2008

Just as so many people look for security, for safety, for something that endures, I find that I, end up falling slap bang in the middle of a high. I ride roller coasters so I can feel the highs and when the lows come I cocoon myself from the way I feel.

My life is lived by moments, people share my moments, I share theirs. Sometimes like the last three days I get to share a moment in time with someone who blows me away and just as quickly as he blew my mind away, he blew right back out of my life and back to someone else, someone from the past. Someone I knew about, knew was in the background, and instead of steering away like most people would I shared both my body and my support in his quest for understanding.

You see because I have no past, a present in the here and now and a future so unclear I find that I can support people, I find that even when inside I am wanting someone or something so badly that my insides are burning I can still take a step back and say to myself you know this isn’t forever, so if they need some support in their search for their forever give it to them. Sure I don’t always go about it in the best way – my way is haphazard, overbearing, constantly filled with meaningless chatter. But I do do it, I am there on the sidelines, giving advice, listening, understanding, not judging – telling them that they need to go to where they feel they should be to see if it works out.

Months later I hear from the grapevine, shared friends, a hasty text from them telling me that it worked out. Sometimes I don’t hear from them at all, sometimes they don’t even acknowledge me in the street, but I know that one I knew them, knew the person they was in that moment.

I may live on the sidelines of life, but every now and then I get to play on the field and when I do the expected occurs, I dance, I live, I laugh, I breathe but then soon its time for me to go home, to tend my wounded heart and my tired mind.

Me and Martin just lived in the same moment. This morning it ended. I hope he finds what he is looking for.



2 responses

13 09 2008
Duma Key

Everytime I read your blog, I read my own thoughts. I love the descriptive way you wite, your thoughts step out from the page.
I have built friends in the life I lead now, through ups and downs I am there, with advice support, what ever needed. I step outside my own world and into there’s, the slip out again just the same.
Sometimes I wonder to myself if in fact I am living my life through them, prehapes here I am not so far of the mark! lol….Well I still have half a bottle of Vodka…and after my day…I may as well top it of and regert in the morning!!

15 09 2008

I’m somehow still wrapped in my own cocoon. Such moments I ventured outside it, I treasure. Living on the sidelines of life is not so bad…after all, without sides, one will never know where one’s going. There will be a moment you’ll be on the main road yourself.


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