One Way Ticket Into Hopelessness!

14 10 2008

I left my house last night and sat in the bar; I know that’s not such a clever thing to do for someone who is completely broke but it never worked out too bad. One of my neighbours stood me a couple of drinks and then two very good friends of mine done the same. After being deprived of alcohol for some time it went to my head. While it felt good to be out of the prison that my apartment is coming being drunk also reminded me that I am on a slippery slope into nothingness at the moment.

I did what any self-respecting depressed girl would do; I drunk dialled Nicholas (no answer – shoot … I deleted his number this morning so no more of that!) then I came online and drunk commented on a few blogs, before giving up and headed over to facebook to complete my drunk-make-a-fool-out-of-myself marathon.

Good going I think.

As of this morning I have 15 euros to my name, take out of the cigarettes (I don’t care if they are counted as ‘luxury items’ I’m down ok, nicotine withdrawal is not something I can withstand right now) I am about to go and buy, the washing up liquid that is needed in my house and the bottle of drink (soft drink guys – honest!) then that’s me pretty much done.

I’d like to say I can not get to a much lower point in my life than this; but that’s just tempting fate as I know in my heart I really can and over the next days/weeks I am going to visit it.

Right now I am going out to tread pavements in search of work but I am pretty pessimistic about the whole thing. I’m thinking I just bought a one-way ticket into hopelessness.

I guess this is why being in a strange country away from family, friends and everything you hold familiar can sometimes suck more than anything.

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5 responses

14 10 2008
Robbie

I think drunk facebooking is worse out of the three drunk actions there.

Good luck with the job hunting. Have you tried asking in your last places of work?
I hope things turn around for you.

14 10 2008
Tylor

Any way I can help?

14 10 2008
peacedovelove

Sorry, about how you feel but once again…can totally relate. I too tend to do the drunk facebook/myspace thing and then wake up the next morning to see the damage that I did and want to kick my own ass! Nicotine, check…it might just be the only constant in my life! 🙂 Broke student right here and at this point im so used to being broke that I don’t know what I would do if I actually did have money! At least you have friends that have your back and im sure you will get a job soon and things will turn around!

14 10 2008
Tylor

I will certainly keep praying for you. Maybe I can spot you a bit if things get too desperate.

20 10 2008
Duma Key

Drink and depression not a good mix throw in facebook or some other online resource and you are in for disastor!
The dark days fall but soon the light will flow and wash over, we ride the waves up high then crash down low, just hang onto the high waves and hope until they sweep over again.
I am hoping things work out for you soon

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