Writing for the sake of writing!

18 10 2008

Things are still not looking bright – it doesn’t seem to matter how many streets of bars and restaurants I walk or how many people I speak too work is not forthcoming.  I knew it would be difficult this time of year, I remember knowing people who were in the same situation last year who ended up on a plane out of here back to their homelands and I remember saying ‘it can’t be that hard there is jobs if you really want one’  


But I just got hungry and ate those words.


In fact I have been forced to eat a lot of words I have said over the last year.


It’s about being in the right place at the right time out here and due to the fact that I have been constantly depressed I guess I have been spending a lot of times in the wrong places at the wrong time.


I also have a feeling about something else that is going to make this situation I am in even worse.  But now is not the time to go into that.   Right at this moment I can barely admit it to myself let alone put it out here for you all to read.  


I haven’t seen the hippy man either – nor have I spoke to him since the last time when I told him I needed to wallow in my own self pity for a few days, I have no idea what he is thinking right now – I feel bad for the confusion I have brought to him.  I feel bad for a lot of things.




8 responses

19 10 2008

I am glad to see that you are getting something for your trouble. It sounds like you are going to get a lot more.

19 10 2008

Have you read a book called “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay?

Hang in there honey, the dawn is often darkest just before the sun rises.

I popped by to tell you I am hosting my own blog at http://www.saveourspecies.net. If you login with your open ID you will be able to use your WordPress ID on the new site like you did on my old one.

Take care.


19 10 2008

if i told you the name of this company you’d be very surprised. they’re a major corporation and well known throughout the world, well defo Uk if I put it that way. so unfortunately i’m fucked when it comes to having rights haha.

darling, it must be tough but hang in there. you’ll find something soon, and maybe you can take one of those comission jobs in worst case scenario for a while until something better opens up?

I think that ending up in the wrong places is necesserary to end up in the right ones. it is only after we’ve been there that we judge the standard of the place. give youself a break once in a while hun.. : )

20 10 2008
Duma Key

Such sad words, you hold on to much and fear much, but hold on in there things will pan out fine.
Your life is much like my own in many ways and I am seeing a different side that I never knew could exist, just hold on in there.
I have been caught up of late with work and the pub, still not replaced the light leaves me in a position where I am working both the pub and my job, but look forwards now to reading through your blog and the missing entrys.
What ever it is that you are holding release, you do not need to fear, in words you are safe and as I have said before your writting is powerful, your words touch and you hold a rare gift, trust me I know, I always find your entrys and your comments inspiring, and deep much better than the drival I see day in day out from people chasing dreams with words written at best on the back of a chip wrapper….suddenly I can relate to Pope in his epistal to Dr Arbuthnot.
Will comment more as I read.

20 10 2008

I hope that you are doing ok.

Difficulties can help us but while they are happening it is difficult to see this and we just want them to go away. ( As I write it occurs to me that the gods will probably force me to eat MY words.)

To me transformation feels like physically swallowing something that I did not want to eat. I think that this is how we gradually become a higher order of being.

You are a good writer and now you have an strong stimilus in your life. I hope that you will write more.

22 10 2008

I like this:
“I think that ending up in the wrong places is necesserary to end up in the right ones.”- in SDP’s comment here.
I find I completely agree. Sometimes our sufferings and our “mistakes” are easier to bear when we can look at them as getting that much closer to where we need to be.

22 10 2008

If we got it right first time it means we had nothing to learn. We learn by making mistakes. We learn by finding out all the ways not to do something until all we are left with is the way to do it. We learn how to ride a bike by discovering all the different ways there are to fall off. When we have learned all the ways to fall off the only thing thats left is how to stay on and we can never forget it again.

Love V

29 10 2008

where are you that is away from home? i hate the feeling of eating ones own words, it’s always a feeling of defeat. i’m always saying things in the heat of the moment i later recind, i’m always believing and feeling things which disintergrate within a moment or two.

it’s amazing how much ‘depression’ or being in a depressed state, can ruin your chances of everything. how old are you? i’m guessing you’re still young enough to make a difference and the biggest and best advice i got which pulled me out of a rut, was that i was in control of my own life. which is to say, never wait for it to get better, never wait for life to go back to normal because it wont. believe in yourself and take the steps and it will happen. i guess it’s just getting in that rhythm. i believe you’ve got it in you..

i like your writing x

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