A little bit sad

22 01 2009

I wonder if it leaving that makes you question everything you are leaving behind again, or if it’s a fear that you might regret your decisions. I don’t know, but I have been feeling pretty melancholy last few days, I have hardly set foot outside my door, nor have I told any of my friends here I am leaving, and the way its going I will be leaving a week tomorrow.

I haven’t even told my landlord which I must do tomorrow, he has been good to me so I feel bad that I am giving him such short notice anyway.

Its weird isn’t it? how you think of people that you never quite got to know, or wanted to know and never had the opportunity, like the French man who I had some an awesome crush on, he was the reason I started blogging, not on this one but another one I started before. Or the guy that sits in he bar across my road everyday and drinks coffee with me that I always wanted to kiss.

Or the girl that works in the restaurant down the road that always seemed to be alone, but I never found out a way to befriend here.

This week is going to be difficult, not just for those silly reasons. But because I believed that I was putting down roots here, I believed my constant changing was going to stop, that I was going to find something.

My first year or so out here was fantastic, the friends I made, the nights I had, the memories I have made. But in the last few months things have not been great and I know that it’s the right time to go, but still there is sadness.

But I am also proud of myself, as this time I don’t feel like I am running, more than I made a decision based on maturity about my situation. Its fast, like it always is with me, but I think my reasons are better this time.

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4 responses

22 01 2009
Tylor

I’ve become a person that is constantly on the move–not staying in one place more than a few months at a time–but each time I leave a place I find myself in the same position at you. I felt it worse when I graduated from college because there were so many amazing people whom I just hadn’t gotten to know very well and I regretted it very much (especially this one girl). But I suppose that is all part of moving on from one stage of life to the next.

You know what the first thing I thought when I first heard you were planning on moving to Canada? I thought “hey, that’s a country next door. Maybe see can come visit me and I can finally give her that hug I promised her.”

22 01 2009
Robbie

The good thing about moving is all those feelings you had about new crushes, new surroundings, new lifestyle and nights-out you can experience all over again.

You you best tell your friends soon and organise one last big night out.

PS I totally get the whole trying to befriend random people. There was a chocolate shop in town that I went to once to get a present for the missus. The girl at the counter must of been in her early 20’s, English and seemed very nice.
I kept thinking “How do you approach the Lets Try and Be Friends” subject without coming across as a weirdo. 😀 ha

25 01 2009
shortdigitalpictures

Lou-lou I’m happy for you. I think that your decision is very brave and i think everyone would agree with me when i say that you have really had a couple of tough months and that even if you might not see it this decision didn’t come over night, it’s been growing for a while. I wish you didn’t put yourself down so much, I wish you could see the strength in your posts and yourself. I know me and others reading see it. you judge yourself far more hard than anyone else can do.

I understand that it must have been a hard decision and I hope your week has been ok. I am a person that firmly believes that things happen for a reason. Maybe your roots are ment to be put down somewhere else? and maybe you did find something in Spain -yourself and a light you were unaware of?

5 02 2009
Duma Key

You are leaving Spain? Time for me has slipped so fast I am just catching up on here. There are so many unlived moments, so many unknown people, so much of yesterday and never enough of tomorrow. Though still I fear you run, as often so do I, here one day and gone the next.

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