My Moment

8 05 2009

I have always dreamt big. I dream about far off places, faces and situations. I dream I am everything and anything. I have lost myself in dreams, I have found myself in dreams, I have spent a lot of time shutting the world out by dreaming. For a while my dreams stilled.

For someone so enthralled with dreaming of far-flung , impossible situations, my biggest wish in life was to full in love with the moment I was in, without dreaming of being elsewhere. So in that dreamless stillness, all I saw was my wish finally granted.

A moment in time, a small moment that I had been striving for my whole life seemed to come to pass and for my untrained and often colour blind eyes it seemed like the most beautiful time that I would ever truly see.

I had found my moment in which to fall in love; I had stilled the endless impossible dreams.

But after the stillness, after the dreamless state of being, the words that have always come from me so easily when I write seemed to run dry. The words, that I misuse so much in real life, but brought me so much peace as they danced on blank screens and pages, seemed to be confused and muddled.

With my dreams so quiet, with facing the real world in such a magnificent and then such a harsh way, I found that all words from me became untrustworthy, as if I opened my mouth to speak all that would be there was pain, was anger, was a deep rooted fear. Expression became almost a torment, as if each day I was being strangled by the same words that I once loved.

I had found my moment in which to fall in love; I had stilled the endless impossible dreams.

Then I found my words; but it was not my words I needed now. I needed to hear someone else’s words. But those words came so quietly that against my anger they seemed so silent I could hardly make them out.

So we were just left with my words; my assurances, my opinions, my thoughts. But no longer were there any thoughts for myself. I was trying to use my words as weapons in a war that was not mine to win.

I had found my moment in which to fall in love; I had stilled the endless impossible dreams.




4 responses

8 05 2009

I identify with that need of words, as well as the choking on them.
You do have a way with them, regardless of which state you find yourself in with them.

11 05 2009

I always say this but I’ve missed reading your words. It always makes me wish I knew more about what was happening in your world. For now, though, I’ll be content reading your heart-felt words.

21 05 2009

your way with words and meanings is amazing. I often find that words are my saviour but also my worst enemy. Youw posts always leave me wanting to know mor. If that’s not pure poetry with words then I don’t know what is.

glad you threw the thin foil away. you’re colourful, don’t forget that wherever you are.

28 05 2009
Duma Key

Words are powerfull, though some times the flow will stem and life stands still. The power of words, they are good, they are bad, they are a weapon, or a comfort. The urge for life or fall silent unheard.
I find your words, and I feel your dreams through your words, holding on to a moment, reaching in the dead of night, dreaming the impossible dream.
Where once words flowed, now lays endless questions and the inabilty to find the words to seek the dream to make it flow.

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