Amusing Coincidences

20 08 2009

Paper diaries long since stored away in the attic of the home where I spent most of my time growing up, diaries not looked at, not thought about for years. I take them down and look through, searching for my entries about him. So few, so typical of me never to write about the day to day happenings, so typical that my words are kept for times when I simply don’t understand, when I want to reflect or grieve or put to rest.

I read the first entry, my words seem to fit with my eighteen year old mind, I was so naïve, so vulnerable. Turning 18 to most people means being given the keys to the city, first legal drinks in bars, finally being a fully fledged adult. 18 to me meant something different. It meant I have survived the stormy childhood years and more deeply to me, it meant I had survived the solitary times that come after my 15th birthday, times that I know in my heart I need to write about, to set myself free from, but I have never in the years that have followed managed to find the words, I am still not sure if any words would be enough to tell you how the forgotten girl really did become forgotten.

But I am swaying … back to when I was 18. Living in my maisonette I shared with a friend, running around wild, I was alive, I was free. Hair down to our waists, gold jewellery, frilly gypsy tops and floating skirts. A mark 4 Escort … constantly grinding my gears, Whitney Houston sang My love is your love as we passed the joint around the room and we lived on curried spring roll and chips from the chip shop downstairs.

17th August 1999

He’s so handsome, just a fraction taller than me, dark skin with eyes as dark as my own but bigger, its like he has stepped out of one of the books I read and right into my path. When he came and sat next to me in the car today and started telling me how pretty I was and asked me to be his girl I thought I might have to pinch myself to believe it, how could he possibly have noticed me?

Fast forward a few months, surrounding by empty bottles, half smoked joints, dramatic comings and goings that seem so normal at that age, snuggling in single beds, eviction orders, sleeping bodies in the bath and on the stairs, one day I noticed he was no longer there amongst the debris of our assorted lives. He just vanished, I never knew where and I don’t remember trying too hard to find out.

Who would have thought back then (we didn’t even have mobile phones!) that one day we could just log onto a social networking site like Facebook and find people so easily. Which is exactly what has happened. And strangely (check the dates here) ten years on I receive this message through facebook

17th August 2009

it’s mad that we have found each other on this! Look I have really enjoyed catching up with you through these messages and was thinking since we’re both in the country right now how about we meet for a drink? Completely up to you, no pressure but thought it would be fun to have a proper catch up! x

amusing coincidence no?



One response

27 08 2009

maybe it’s a sign of something new, something that ties up the past with the present. Maybe it’ll remind you of that free 18 year old girl that ran down to the chip shop. Maybe you need to be reminded about her so the forgotten girl can be found?

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