Sinead Lohan – To Ramona

2 09 2008

Surely this is the most beautiful cover ever recorded.

This song has a very deep meaning for me, I see myself in the character of Ramona, too often I am telling myself and other people that I am not above or below anyone in this world but my actions rarely follow my words and I try to fit-in in worlds where I don’t belong or even exist in what is not the non-reality of my mind.

The only gift I was ever bestowed with in this life is words. Words that go largely unseen, journals documenting my actions and thoughts from as far back as 12 years old. Words that why not touching to others, not needed in a world where words run free, have been a balm to me in constant times of confusion and turmoil, of depression, of doubt, of fear, of extreme unhappiness.

I am a solitary being, I travel through time, places, friends I sit and listen, talk, laugh, debate and fight but I never really stay anywhere for long. I keep moving. In my need for attention I will place myself in the centre of a crowd but I never give everything. Even while sitting in the centre of the crowd, holding centre stage on conversation, being witty or in the other extreme argumentative I never really just ‘am’ amidst the people, the laughs, the ups and the downs I am constantly alone. I am constantly withholding.

In the book of time, I have no beginning and I see no end, one day I am there, amongst the people, included in the plans, sharing times the next day I am gone. Without a glance backwards, rarely do I ever revisit people or stages from my past. The only chains that pull me back are the ones to my childhood, to my family both to those I love, and to those that confuse and hurt me, that try as I might I cannot release myself from.

I am Ramona, always trying to deal with the dying.


Tori Amos

29 08 2008

After the deepness of my last entry, wrote late last night, I woke this morning with a song that I always associate with the way I feel about myself in my head.


I also headed straight back to reread one of my previous entries ‘Time Line Therapy’ to reinstall in me the thought that I am trying to make a change that things will be different if I work at it.


It’s weird but Tori Amos has actually sang me through my feelings about two of the most confusing times in my life.  This song ‘Crucify’ makes me think of the inadequacies I feel I carry because of my childhood. 


Visually, it is arguably one of the worst videos ever made.  Lyrically it is arguably one of the best songs ever written.    




The second song that I relate too is ‘Silent all these Years’ while I know that in the song she is talking about her relationship with a man, some of the lyrics describe exactly how I feel about the relationship with my real Mum. 


I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
You never shut-up
Yeah I can hear that




Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I’m stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds
Raining in head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we’re too easy Easy Easy



18 08 2008

Getting divorced.  Not getting divorced.  Adopting a three year old Malawian child named Mercy James.  Not adopting a three year old Malawain child named Mercy James.   Having an affair.  Not having an affair.


Who cares? Just someone please tell the woman that a reinvention is necessary and that its time to dump those fame-type leotards.

“La Playa” by La Oreja de Van Gogh

14 08 2008

I was sitting bleary-eyed in a café on the other side of town from my home in Southern Spain, it was early morning and apart from me the café was filled with working men, drinking coffee with ice and laughing amongst themselves.

I sat, the lone women, trying to gear myself up for my Spanish lesson, wishing I could fast forward a year down the line so I could at least follow half the conversation going on … thinking that I would never learn the language to the extent that I would feel comfortable even trying to use it.

There was also a man of my mind, a Madrid boy visiting for his holidays ‘Carlos Fernando’ with his chocolate eyes and easy smile, whom I had had to say goodbye to the night before.

On the TV in the corner the Spanish music station was playing, and all of a sudden I heard the most beautiful intro music and then haunting lyrics filled my mind. Even without understanding I knew from the way the song touched me inside that this translated to something I could emphasise with.

That afternoon I headed home and downloaded the track, since then it has been my most played. And even though, I can still not appreciate the lyrics fully in Spanish, I have translated enough (through the net and my friends) to know that just as I thought back then, I was right – this song is hauntingly beautiful and I can emphasise with the lyrics on such a deep level.


No sé si aún me recuerdas
nos conocimos al tiempo
tú, el mar y el cielo
y quien me trajo a ti

I do not know if you still remember me,
We met on time
You, the sea and the sky
And the one who brought me to you.

Abrazaste mis abrazos,
vigilando aquel momento
aunque fuera el primero
y lo guardara para mí.

You embraced my hugs
Keeping watch on that moment,
Though it was the first,
And (though) I kept it for myself.

Si pudiera volver a nacer
te vería cada día amanecer
sonriendo como cada vez,
como aquella vez (Previo)

If I could be born again
I would see you rise (wake up) every day
Smiling like every time,
Like that time

Te voy a escribir la canción más bonita del mundo.
Voy a capturar nuestra historia en tan sólo un segundo;
y un día verás que este loco de poco se olvida
por mucho que pasen los años de largo en su vida. (Estribillo)

I am going to write you the most beautiful song in the world,
I am going to capture our story in just one second.
And one day you will see that this crazy forgets very little,
For all that the years pass in his long life.

El día de la despedida
de esta playa de mi vida
te hice una promesa:
volverte a ver así.

The day of the farewell
Of this beach of my life
I made a promise to you:
Once again to see you like this.

Más de 50 veranos
hace hoy que no nos vemos
ni tú, ni el mar ni el cielo
ni quién me trajo a ti.

More than fifty summers
It has been today without us meeting
Not you, nor the sea nor the sky
Nor who brought me to you.

Duffy – The Welsh Rising Star

13 08 2008

I have to admit that I have somewhat of a lesbian crush on the latest Welsh songbird, admittedly the crush is not really sexual as that’s not my bag but there is something about this 24 year old singer/songwriters voice that physically brings me to a stand still every time I hear it. 


Aimee Duffy, or Duffy as she is known, was one of the singers (along with Adele) who were labelled the ‘New Amy’s’ by Adam Thompson in the Times in December 2007, in reference to Amy Winehouse, and why I agree that both Adele and Amy are fantastically talented singers, I don’t think Duffy should be compared to them. This girl is in a league all of her own. 


Her debut album ‘Rockerferry’ is one of those rare albums to which you can listen to without jumping tracks, the quality of the music this young girl has produced its quite frankly amazing.  She has also been compared to the legend that is Dusty Springfield, but I have the feeling that Duffy herself takes the comparasions with the pinch of salt that they need and has kept a clear head knowing that she has what it takes to stand out there on her own, and stay on top for a long time. 


If you haven’t already heard her, though I would be surprised at this as the fantastic ‘Mercy’ was played everywhere, go and listen to some of her tracks from Rockerferry, among my personal favourites are ‘Stepping Stone’ ‘Breaking my own Heart’ and the latest release ‘Warwick Avenue’


And just for fun, I found the video below on You Tube of her covering the great Solomon Burkes ‘Cry for me’