Sinead Lohan – To Ramona

2 09 2008

Surely this is the most beautiful cover ever recorded.

This song has a very deep meaning for me, I see myself in the character of Ramona, too often I am telling myself and other people that I am not above or below anyone in this world but my actions rarely follow my words and I try to fit-in in worlds where I don’t belong or even exist in what is not the non-reality of my mind.

The only gift I was ever bestowed with in this life is words. Words that go largely unseen, journals documenting my actions and thoughts from as far back as 12 years old. Words that why not touching to others, not needed in a world where words run free, have been a balm to me in constant times of confusion and turmoil, of depression, of doubt, of fear, of extreme unhappiness.

I am a solitary being, I travel through time, places, friends I sit and listen, talk, laugh, debate and fight but I never really stay anywhere for long. I keep moving. In my need for attention I will place myself in the centre of a crowd but I never give everything. Even while sitting in the centre of the crowd, holding centre stage on conversation, being witty or in the other extreme argumentative I never really just ‘am’ amidst the people, the laughs, the ups and the downs I am constantly alone. I am constantly withholding.

In the book of time, I have no beginning and I see no end, one day I am there, amongst the people, included in the plans, sharing times the next day I am gone. Without a glance backwards, rarely do I ever revisit people or stages from my past. The only chains that pull me back are the ones to my childhood, to my family both to those I love, and to those that confuse and hurt me, that try as I might I cannot release myself from.

I am Ramona, always trying to deal with the dying.